Your friend sends you a message: “Hangout soon?”

You get that rush of excitement… and fear. You haven’t laid eyes on them since months ago. You have to go, but the thought of having to make small talk, be seen, maybe even wear actual shoes, it all gets to be too much.

It is a normal feeling. After all the years of broken routines, absence, and uncertainty, most people are still attempting to understand what it is to socialize once more. You may feel lonely one day and socially exhausted the next. That tension is not unusual. It is actually very human.

Why You Feel “Weird” Around People

There’s a term for that queasy sensation: social reconditioning.

Sitting alone for extended periods, especially in the peak or development years, can muffle the social aspect of your brain. It doesn’t render you dysfunctional. You’ve simply not used those “muscles” in a while.

Main things which affect how you’re feeling:

Broken social routines: Hanging out with friends was something you did regularly. Now it requires effort and planning.

Emotional exhaustion: Worldwide stress, personal uncertainty, and virtual overload have pulled mental bandwidth to the breaking point.

Changed identities: You probably aren’t the same individual you were in 2020. Neither are your friends. That distance can make reunions uncomfortable or dangerous.

The end result? You crave connection, but it’s more burdensome than you anticipated to restore it.

Signs You’re Undersocialized (Not Just Lonely)

You crave connection but cancel plans last-minute out of stress.

You feel fatigued after short social interactions even with family members.

You don’t start conversations because of fear.

You do miss having “people,” but group settings are too exciting.

This is not social laziness. This is your nervous system still acclimating. The solution is not to pull back, but to start small.

How To Rebuild Connection Your Own Pace

Start with low-pressure interactions.

Text a friend just to check up on him. No big updates required.

Post a meme, article, or memory that reminded you of them.

Book short get-togethers (coffee, short walks, shared errands) instead of day-long excursions.

Give them names.

If you’re socially drained, it’s best to be honest:

I’d like to get to know you, but I’m not very active. Can we keep things low-key?

Everyone will find out. Most of them already do.

It is work to make the connection, but so is overextending. Treat yourself to breaks between social endeavors.

Adult friendship is not constant posts or constant presence. It’s trust that’s built over time. Some friendships exist for the lack of contact, as long as the intent is clear.

What If You’re Coping with Social Anxiety?

Post-isolation anxiety is real, and it will not disappear despite the removal of the restrictions.

If you’re struggling with chronic fear of social interactions, here are some things that can assist you:

Practice exposure: Return to social settings gradually.

Prepare mentally: Rehearsing light conversation or planning boundaries (like how long you’ll stay) can reduce stress.

Seek support: Talking with a therapist or participation in small groups can reestablish contact in orderly patterns.

The Bottom Line

You can miss your friends and be nervous about running into them. You can miss intimacy and still protect your energy. That push and pull is normal, especially after years of upheaval.

Friendship is work. But so is rest.

So are you lonely? Or just re-learning what feels like connection after a strange couple of years?

Maybe both. But you’re adjusting. Somewhere out there, your people are doing the same.